The Clique In Me
I’ve had my fair share of dealings with clique groups; I’ve been apart of them and I’ve been an outcast because of them. But today I want to talk about a different type of clique, and that’s the internal cliques we form within ourselves. Now I know this may sound a little crazy at first, but indulge me a little. Part of being in a clique group requires a shared unwillingness to welcome anything or anyone that isn’t willing to conform to the already established rules and structures of the clique. A clique group protects it’s members (at all cost) even if they’re unhealthy and has no desire to see REAL change or growth. When I decided to go on this journey of healing and discovery, the deeper I went, the more I started to see that there was a clique inside of me that was preventing me from seeing real change. That clique consisted of trauma, ill-structured thinking, unbiblical traditions, unmet expectations, unrealistic expectations from self and others, man-perceived failures, and the list could honestly go on but I think you get the point. All those things, among others, had been years in the making and as you can imagine it was hard for any new version of me to infiltrate. I had convinced myself that I wanted change and I would even pray for change and get frustrated with God when I didn’t see it. What I didn’t realize was that my prayers were being confined to the walls of safety that I had built through my allegiance to that internal clique group. I thought that I could grow within that wall of safety. But it’s kinda hard to grow beyond the walls you’ve built to keep you safe. No wonder I wasn’t seeing any change. I had formed an allegiance with those things and had developed an unhealthy sense of loyalty to the very things that were keeping me from what I said I wanted. What I didn’t realize was that this allegiance that I formed not only kept out the bad, it also kept out the good. So, I was safe from hurt but I was blocked from anything that didn’t conform to the already established rules and structures of my internal clique. It truly took (and is still taking) a DISMANTLING of my internal clique group. This is NOT an easy thing to do, it takes serious dedication and commitment. Why? Because you are literally signing up to be an outcast with yourself and that can get frustrating and confusing. The clique is strong (because it’s had years to build it’s strength) and anything outside of it can be misperceived as weakness but don’t be fooled. As hard as it is, I encourage you to DO IT, because you’re safer OUTSIDE of the clique (even on days it doesn’t seem like it, you are). You’ll experience REAL growth (spiritual and otherwise) when you start to disassociate yourself with YOUR internal clique group.
