Obediently Grieved
Before y’all drag me, I know it’s been FOREVER! Y’all probably saw the notification for this blog and was like whattttttt, I didn’t think she did that anymore lol Listen! Your girl has been BUSY! But I’m back well (idk if I’ll say that because who knows when my next blog post will be 🥴) but I’ve got something I think is worth sharing to so here goes…
If you know me (or have at least read the Note from me on the home page) you know there was a time that I gave up church, preaching, leading worship, just all of the things! The streets were calling and I answered! Butttt the Lord called me back (some of us really can only run but for so long 🙄😂) and I gave Him a real yes. Since doing so, God has asked me to do some hard things I DID NOT want any parts of (respectfully 🥴). One of those things was for me to leave my hometown, my career, my friends, family, connections etc and rather quickly might I add (another story, for another day), and move to Texas. I was obedient because I knew it was Him (He made it ABUNDANTLY clear multiple times 🥴) but my obedience led me to grief (the kind I never thought I would experience again after losing my son in 2014). Being a church kid, whenever obedience came up, I was always just told that “obedience is better than sacrifice” and “the safest place is in the will of God” and both of those things are true. But no one ever prepared me for the grief that would come along with being obedient. No one told me the “safest place” would feel like a tunnel of grief of a former life of disobedient bliss. What do we do when our obedience makes us depressed, anxious and afraid? When your obedience leads you so far into a yes that turning back would probably kill you? And what about when it gets so overwhelming that you want out but feel like you’re drowning in your Yes Lord? You rarely hear talks about THOSE moments. What I can tell you (because I’m certainly no expert and am walking through this very thing now) is that God really does see, He really does know, and He really does understand. And if you can’t make sense of anything else, His love is enough to carry you. When the songwriter said, “it was your love, that lifted,” they MEANT IT! So fam, if God is walking you through these treacherous obedient streets (we ain’t NEVER been this way before 🥴), in THOSE moments, cling to His love because His love will lift you EVERY SINGLE TIME! But also, don’t be afraid to find a trusted circle of friends, a support group, a TED Talk, therapist, a book on grief, SOMETHING to help you navigate THOSE moments either. I promise you’re not any less saved and no, you’re not crazy or inadequate because of it! You got this! I’m rooting for you 🤞🏾
